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For this post, we have a question asked by an active seafarer and answered by the wife of another active seafarer.

Q: “As you are growing each day and progressing in your career, you’d like a partner who can help you along the way or just simply understand what you’re facing. The difficulties in your career progression right.
However, if your partner is working in a small industry which is relatively stagnant, how do you expect him/her to understand what you have to say and what you’re facing in a big cooperation?”

A: “i think what should matter most is that the both of them are not calculative of each others’ career progression. cuz it does sound, to me at least, like your junior thinks being a kindergarten teacher is easier compare to his job as a marine engineer.

what helped me be more understanding and patient with A’s field is him explaining to me what his job entails. like what are the requirements to take COC, what is COC, what does he do in his job (maintain the main engine, etc), and how come things work this way or that way in his industry. likewise, i think your junior should also be open to learn about his wife’s career choice and the industry also? early childhood is more than babysitting someone else’s child! hahaha.

i have learned that having open communication and embracing each others’ jobs are impt ah. like both of their jobs are equally impt! unless his wife feels like she sees no progression in her field ah. then this is a different thing already.

but back to his issue. i think he can start by explaining his work to his wife very simply. and have his wife explain her work to him simply. that way, both of them are able to find common milestones/requirements in their jobs, and make it easier for them to understand each other’s jobs?

what i did to cope with A’s job is understanding and accepting that because he’s away from SG, like away from his home and friends, it’s tougher for him mentally. this helped me become more supportive of his work and be more considerate of his feelings earlier in his career
it’s quite push and pull one la. i’m lucky that A quite auto, but we’ve talked about how we give and receive (love language impt hahaha)
sorry if this sounds a bit guru-ish at this point, but i think it’s very impt for the both of them to communicate and understand their love languages so they don’t feel like they’re being ignored.

and it’s worse when one of yall are away with limited connection. can’t talk, can’t share your feelings? both of them will feel like there’s a gap between them (when your junior goes sailing) if they don’t bridge their differences when they are physically tgt.

this is more like a change of mindset for the both of them! they cannot be stingy about their knowledge of their work and they have to be in a space where they are ready to accept each other’s explanations of their jobs.

example: if your junior today decide to talk to his wife about his work, but his wife is busy or is having troubles at work, then he doesn’t have to share about his work that day. and vice-versa. everyone needs some space to learn what they want to learn, so give it some time, BUT it MUST be communicated to his wife that he is willing to share about his work. so his wife can ask him anytime she wants. and also, he should also ask his wife if she is willing to share what’s it like to be a kindergarten teacher too. it’s always a 2-way thing.

in his text, he mentioned that he can’t expect his wife to understand what’s it like to work in a big corporation right. i think he also needs to understand that if he doesn’t vocalise his struggles, how is his wife going to know? unless his wife is a mind reader la lol. of course, he should always be tactful when sharing his frustrations with her. don’t be paggro to each other and tell each other their troubles objectively.

both of them are responsible for their work, respectively. they do not owe each other to make their work easier or better! so it’s always better to not assume. if his wife doesn’t know what he goes through or does at work, then it’s very hard for her to understand his job. likewise for your junior too. (: it’s a good time to also know about his wife’s field of work.

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